My purpose in taking this Life-Force Year Long Course with Matt Garrigan was to have the wonderful opportunity to participate in a weekly Expanded Feeling and Thought Process Group who are interested in and committed to enhancing their Light along with an open exchange of sharing and inspiring illumination. Being facilitated by my brother, Matt who through my own life experience with him has exhibited a wellspring of integrity that is so alive in his spiritual journey here and his divinely guided teachings are so filled with love, compassion and humor that I couldn't resist this course especially, with sweet and loving Gregg Peterson making it possible to view over the Web. In turn, I felt this empowering healing service radiate to self, community and the Universe.

I saw that I needed reminders to be in the Consciousness of the Experience of Life and Pay Attention to the Freedom of Choice that is available to enhance my life and create from again. I certainly found this in many expressions through helpful course Principles, recommended Books, Soul Searching and many reflections of Light from my honored classmates whom I am so thankful to be of your presence. Also, being open to the willingness to trust this enlightened and empowering space for support to express my story and identities along with watching and listening to the illumination of other wonderful participants with their revelations, stories, identities and heartfelt compassion is added to my most enriching experiences in my life. I am so grateful for this Infinite Love of sufficient wellbeing.

Love and Blessings,
Peggy Savage

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I don’t understand what any of this is about or what it is for anyways, this life. Seeking happiness, contentment, life that works, love, belonging, self-satisfaction. In my “don’t know” that sense of wanting to grab onto something. And I find that the something’s turn out to be further illusion. Things, places, people, I can make to be something, and then they’re not, that. I grab onto life a certain way, not that. I secure happiness in a certain way, $$, relationship, not that. Reach out grab onto despair, oh wait, not that. Oh, there’s a high in life over there, let’s go there. Feels good temporarily. I used to wake up in bliss a while back, now terror seems to be the illusion in the morning recently. No, not that.

Fallen hard too…then, maybe that. Restore myself. Picking myself up again. Hmm, maybe that. My pain, my joy, my satisfaction, my illusions, my fantasy world, my brain functioning, my mind, my emotions, others…all fantasy illusions in my life. How I am with them, their function, is insight to my inner level of consciousness. My experience of all my illusions predicates my experience of my inner self and of life. It’s not always easy, and I get that illusion, as well.

So I go to why try anymore. It’s all an illusion. All of life is a great big trip. If illusions serve the purpose they are meant to be, and if life is an illusion, then life is serving the purpose it is meant to be. And it is not meant to be and cannot be understood. To try to do so is futile and is only an illusion.

Life is an experience and how I am with it, welcoming it, all of it, is to accept life. And with that comes happiness, contentment, life that works, love, belonging, self-satisfaction. Happiness is a function of accepting what is…and life…just…is. How I am with it is my experience of myself, and that matters. If that’s not easy, not working, then that’s what’s up for me. Welcome it, courageously enter the uncomfortable, go for it.

What’s now possible is that I self-regress and process into the deepest, indefinable mental and emotional places in my being, pre-language, pre-emotional labeling. It’s scary, sometimes terrorizing, sometimes taking 10 minutes or several days or more. It’s an incredible journey into the extraordinary inner self where I can explore and “play around” with unconscious believes and energies within. It’s never known what will be found, though always profound and life changing.

It’s all an illusion after all, it’s all up to who...? And who am I?

Steve Woltosz
~ My purpose in life is to cause beings to experience themselves as source, through experiencing the extraordinary. ~

I’ve experienced many things in my life, most of which have never happened.

What if this reality is something totally different?

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This has been quite an exciting year for me! A principle that’s been going through my mind a lot lately is “I don’t have to know.” I use this in every aspect of my life, from big decisions to minor areas. It allows me to make a choice and move forward. I don’t get quite as paralyzed when I feel like I don’t have all the information I think I need. When I don’t have to rely on what I think are facts—or the lack thereof—I am open to inspiration. And that inspiration seems to flow frequently.

Recognizing that things happen for me, not to me, has helped me stay even more positive. Nothing is “the end” or devastating; it’s just another game. “Everything is an opportunity to enhance.” Though I think sometimes my mind uses (and I agree with) this as a way to do nothing. On the other hand, sometimes doing nothing does feel on purpose for me. On the other hand, sometimes I feel stifled by my own inactivity. On the other hand, at times this has allowed me to be exactly where I needed to be for something wonderful to happen. So I guess that just brings me back to the beginning: everything serves.

I’m not usually one to get overtly angry, but I know there is anger inside. Throughout this year I’ve explored being more open to feelings emerging. A couple times in January or February I had some intense anger (at least for me) come up. I was LIVID!!! But I was having it, not it having me. A subtle but profound difference (and experience). I could allow myself to feel it, and know that it would go away when it needed to. I could listen to it. All this without acting from it.

I’m still trying to fully embrace, “I am source,” and all that it means. I get it, I believe it, but many times I still don’t source what I think I want, so there’s a disconnect somewhere. Hmm…

I’m sure I still have some deep beliefs about what I can and can’t do and be, but consciously I know there aren’t any limits. I will be moved into whatever is necessary. Whether that’s to be President (please don’t let it happen!) or just a local voice teacher. But I’ve had the experience that the world is my playing field, so I think there’s some cool stuff out there for me!

Joy and Love to all!
Jed
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This past year has been a subtle but noticeable transformation.  The words that come to mind are a greater sense of ease with what is. I have a deeper trust in a Grace that is behind every moment, situation, and action. I honestly can’t say which tool has influenced me the most but I use many of them.
 
“This is all happening for me” is great when I’m feeling stuck and desperate for some help.  Prayer has become a pretty natural part of my day and appreciation comes more readily.  I regularly stop and look around me long enough to let my whole environment and “reality” become questionable.  

I guess what’s most apparent to me is a feeling like things don’t stick as much. Obsessions, ruminations, resentments, being right, feeling wronged all still come but they just don’t have the same grip as they used to.  Sometimes it feels like I’m getting hooked in just for fun or habit.  My relationship to my husband has changed as well and at least for this moment it feels like we’re walking down easy street compared to our last 10 years.  Having said that I will say that I’ve had many freak outs and breakdowns over the last year and I’m pretty thankful for each one of them

Lastly I’ll just say that I’ve really enjoyed what my relationship with Matt, Cosmo, and Gwenn has brought out in to the open and in the end that actually feels like the most important part of the whole year.

Emily
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Brain ruts are unavoidable. This is what I call the thinking patterns that we make into habits, the beliefs that my brain continually references. This year, I have become much more intentional about what brain ruts I create. Our class has provided me with a plethora of tools to create new and exciting brain ruts, those that heighten my level of awareness of both me-as-essential-self and my ego-mind. I now have ruts in my brain that sound like this: “It is all a reflection of me. This is for me. I don’t have to know. Do I have the freedom to have it or not have it? Coincidences are evidence of the source that I am. Is it true? What am I making up about this situation? I am not what I do. Am I being respectful of time, or what is?. . . . “ You all know. You have been there.

I am grateful for the new relationship I have with some of my most prevalent inner identities, specifically Responsible For Everything and Not Seen ( or only seen for what I do, and not for me). I never even saw them before, and then I was scared of them, but now they feel like old friends. They are separate from me, the essential source that I AM. When these identities come up for me, I often can respect their need to share whatever it is that they want to share, and to learn from that. Not always, but as that brain rut gets used more, my ability to separate self from ego/identity gets stronger and stronger.

I have valued immensely the sense of connection and support our course has provided this past year. Never again can I rest long in thinking that any upset is mine alone. Being with you all has thoroughly convinced me that we all share the same stuff. It may be in different combinations and manifestations, but it is all of ours. And I feel powerful in the work that I do to grow in awareness and compassion, because I think it serves all. Thank you all, each and every one of you. Blessings.

Gwenn
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Reflections on a Year With Matt

First, I cannot express how greatly I appreciate all that there is to learn from others, from the observation of personal process and spiritual growth… from Matt, both in teaching and by example and from every participant’s unique contribution to our work together.  It has been an honor to share this time to together, the fruits of which will last a lifetime.

For myself, it has been a long, but seemingly short, thirteen months during which:

If there was any question in my mind that I was an inherently spiritual being before the beginning, there certainly cannot be now.

I have come to know that our spiritual life is not a journey.  It is an evolution.  It is not linear, it just is.  It is eternal.  It is the realm in which all our deeper values are found.  It is the realm, from which we come, and to which we go, and in which, as either five-sensory or multisensory humans, we live. I recall the metaphor of the flower, the petals of one’s experience unfolding organically as it matures, eventually blossoming into something unique, evolving into a multisensory human—always present, always at home, always eternal.

The practice of awareness, of consciously choosing to be in the moment, has more than any other spiritual practice in which I engage, been seminal in forming my personal paradigm and faith. Eternity lives in the present moment.

I have learned to tune into my emotions, which are guideposts in the evolution of my spirit.  I strive for moments of joy and appreciation for they are when I am in tune with the wants and desire of my soul—those are the moments I am in concert with Source.  

I have finally come to terms with the certainty that by the means of intentional thought I create my reality. No one else can do that for me. And, it is with dispassionate objectivity that I am the witness of that reality.  From that detached perspective I stand in responsibility for that which I have created.  It is my only identity.

John Michels
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I want a breakthrough in talking with my Dad about feelings
I want a breakthrough around having anger
I’m profoundly thankful for this class: Matt and the participants alike.  I feel like this course has changed the quality of my life.  I’m thankful for my interactions with my partners, particularly Nancy and Peg, as they really helped me get it that everyone is just as complex, beautiful, confused and perfect as I am.  I feel particularly fortunate to have taken this course with my life partner and finace, Gwenn.  We use the concepts and tools learned here daily.  I feel a great sense of freedom and support knowing that Gwenn knows what the heck I’m talking about when I say is heat of an argument “I’m really stuck in my mind right now…”

Cosmo
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Year Long – Life Long

Calm.  Reflective.  Forgiving.  Choosing.  Accepting.  

These words float to the surface and define me today.  I look back a year and am amazed at the changes in my life, in my outlook, in my spirit.  

March 2007 I was trying to repair a broken marriage, find energy for a job I didn’t want and figure out what fulfilled me in life.  I moved out of the home, agreed that my two sons would live with their dad and visit me, lost my job, and my husband got engaged.  The lover that I’d relied on for three years just stopped calling.  I found myself with many choices to make.  This course, the training - allowed me to view these changes with excitement; to realize I’d chosen all of this and that finally, for the first time in my life, I could make decisions based on what I wanted, what I needed, what fulfilled my spirit.

May 2008, I am divorced, trying to support myself in a $9/hour job, and doing work that allows me to carry out my purpose in life.  I am so much more at peace – with my life, my family, myself.  Do I get angry?  Occasionally – but it isn’t simmering under the surface any more.  When I feel angry, I say, “Just like me…” and “This is a reflection of me.”  When the father of my sons gets testy and angry, I can now say, “Don’t talk to me that way; call back when you’re calmer.”  When bills are overdue and I put into the universe that I need some funds, I receive notice that I have retirement money available.  When my rent goes up, I pray for a cheaper place closer to my sons and friends, and in an extra 15 minutes one day, drive by a duplex four blocks from where my sons live with their dad and I save $350 a month in rent and utilities.  I pray for direction in my work and career, knowing that I want to work in end-of-life care, and I fail to get into the next course I need for nursing school and wonder why this path isn’t going smoother, then “accidentally” sign up for a Certified Nursing Aide class and get a job in a nursing home.  

I know that the energy in me – the “I AM” presence – the God spirit – is working for me every minute of every day.  Situations that, in the past, would put me into upset, anger, frustration, depression now provide me with an opportunity to seek a path through, to hear the message in the upset, to ask for guidance, to continue forward instead of pulling off into an anger station on this road through life.

I am grateful I took this opportunity.  I look back over this year and realize that I wasn’t getting “training” but doing training of myself and my spirit.  It’s like flying solo – I’m at the wheel, I have all the instruments and experience to fly – the class and Matt are the control tower...reminding me that I have the skills, the ability, the knowledge to fly any where, any way.  

Thank you for flying with me, everyone; each and every one of you have a place in my heart forever.

Love,
Cheryl Mongovin
Olympia, WA

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From this course I can see that I have acquired more courage to go deeper, to see more of what cripples me in my life. In rereading my journal from this past year I can see these changes the most.

1) Keeping my heart open while in Hell.

2) My understanding of another is limited by what I think I know.

3) I’ve learned that most of this past year I’ve been limited in growth because of distrust and anger towards God. It went deeper than I had thought. This area has healed a lot and the results have shifted my world tremendously, which has open doors for me to learn what was only naturally next, forgiveness and self love. I find myself everyday learning  more and I can feel and see the gap closing.

4)  Requirement- don’t be afraid of the truth. Find yourself, find what cripples you. To try and keep momentum going I keep adjusting my life style in all area’s the target is attraction to everything life giving. Coming from this place is reflected in my personal life style, it becomes a practice that marries into this amazing learning curve that I’m on for life. God Bless all of us for the gift of letting go. Remember to have a lite heart and learn, learn, learn.  I am going to miss my Wednesday night ritual of getting together.      

Karen Mason

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This year has been a year of developing independence; independence from the strict and rigid agreements, which I have allowed to dictate my thoughts, my feelings my (re)actions – my (un)reality.  These beliefs have been so embedded in the fabric of my existence.  I had become indifferent and now see that I was constantly living from fear.  Through observing and being with my upsets without judgment, I notice that I attack another for my feelings and disregard my role in the situation. I have reacted to preserve my agreements – to be right  – always landing me back in the all too familiar territory of suffering – I have been committed to my beliefs.  Suffering has become a tool.  It tells me when I am trying to be right.  It informs me that I must get outside of my constructed agreement.  When I accept what I cannot change, when I have accepted what “I don’t know,” I have opened the door to choose how I experience the present.   

As I reflect on this past year I feel a sense of relief, peace and serenity.  My relationships have taken on a more purposeful meaning.  I am showing up at levels beyond my fears.  Acceptance of what is has become a liberating and centering place for me to take the next action required. Accepting my role in a situation leads to liberation from feeling like a victim.  Sitting with a belief and questioning its purpose allows me to breakthrough a fear and work towards a goal. I pause before I say.  I pause before I act.  The very things I feared and resisted – acceptance, forgiveness, not knowing and accountability - have become the opening for experiencing liberation, strength and serenity.

Mark Newman

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I started the year with the goal of a career transformation. The rest—money, family, body—I felt I had a pretty good handle on. And though I’ve made great progress with starting my own magazine, it’s been the smaller everyday things in the other areas of my life that I’ve found so rewarding (and confounding, surprising, annoying, and enlightening). I’ve always prided myself on being right, so not having to be right has been a tough one to let go of, but it’s always such a relief when I am able to do it.

Trying not to resist what is has been another valuable practice. I’ve become much more patient with my two young kids and my wife. If my 2-year-old insists “I can do it,” I let him, even if it means it’ll take five times as long. Efficiency is no longer the be-all and end-all I’d let my mind convince me of.  

Being willing to have it or not to have it has been a tougher one to figure out. I feel like I often use it as an excuse to avoid staying on purpose.

I’m very grateful to have had this time of self-examination. Matt’s guidance—and everyone else’s—has been invaluable. I’m sorry. Thank you. Forgive me. I love you…  

Tommy